Tea For Two OR Four Paws Take Tea

Have you had the afternoon British styled High Tea in da middle of da afternoon ? Wonder if it's like High Tide at da Pacific Oshun? Oh well, I likesa the low tide for counting the starfish on the rocks and I luvs High Tea, Low Tea, Mid Tea, no matter what level da tea is in da cup is not imPURRtant to me and myself.

What's imPURRtant is that youza having da tea with furiends and that's PURRcisely what this smitten kitten did recently. Oh basta pasta! IF youza thinking I pawty crashed a tea pawty, oh no no nonsense - I actualicatically got my own invatashun to attend!

FURst thing youza do at a Tea Pawty is selectacat yur tea leaves. It'sa fine idea to get close to da tea leaves to smell da aroma and do a taste test.

I tried a furiety of leaves and well, yuck and more yuck cuz they didn't all agree with my EyeTailYun tastebuds - no way is this catnip tea leaves!.

The Book of Eticat says you should NOT be a greedy cat and eat every item on yur plate so here I am, purrusing the cakes and crumpets .... curious as a cat (what else do you expectacat frum me?). I assure you I'ma not eating da chocolate as it's fatal food to we felines. We didn't get served any bags of tater chips or PURRetzels at the High Tea but da selecshun was beeYOUteaFull and da hostess, well she brought out her finest feline furiendly antique gold plates. Dis is no ordinaricat tupperware!

More propurr Eticat: have your pinky up in the air fur lifting the tea cup. Don't put yur elbows on da table or da hostess will have a hiss fit!

All da sweet stuff sent me directacatily to da scale! Basta Pasta - no more pasta and no more sweets at da High Tea fur me! My waist line is expanding and I'm demanding to go on da Jenny CraigCat diet or Weight Night-Watchers. Me and myself thinks I'm cutting out my Mice a Roni and the catohydrates will be meownitored in between my abundacatnaps.

Wishing youza and yurza a nonCATastrophic & sweet week!

Ciao & Meow,
GUIDO the Italian Kitty

Yankee Doodle Dandy Cat

Catzowey it's almost the FURst of July which means the 4th of July is just a few catnaps behind and are you curious as a cat to know something fantasticat? Shhh, don't let the cat out of the bag ... itza fine feline time to be a Patrioticat, unfurl the flag and wear it PURRoudly! As far as my smitten kitten self knows, I don't have any Pilgrim geneticatically altered genes in me cuzza I'm EyeTailYun. Oh shuksatini the Pilgrims holiday izza with turkey and taters in November, and the only fireworks are when thereza no leftovers!

AttenzeeOhKnee! AttenzeeOhKnee! Me and my paws are on countdown fur the sparklies in the sky, abundacat barbeque meats dropping to da ground and catnapping in the sunny sun rays - all on the 4th of July. Are you sayin' maybe I'm a tabby teeny bit USA'un?

Gusty and fairly cat-O-strophic winds are keeping my flag from unfurling proPURRly. I luvs da excitement of Independence Day cuz I'm an independakitty too so it's a meowvalous day fur me to prance my paws around San Franfuncisco in my "non finicky feline & fine" independent meowster mode!

YEOWza MEOWza I'ma exhausticatted from wrestling with my flag so I just hadza catnap faster than da pop top opens on my food can. Itza kinda Speed-Sleeping!

When I wakes up, I'm gonna beeza bizzi meowmorizing the Declarashun of Independakitties! I thinks it goes something like "Four feline scores ago, our fat cat forefathers landed on the shores of Catalina Island".... Shuksatini again! Itsa hiss fit time cuzza I gotza the wrong speech meowmorized. Hahem....here I goes, Uno Due Tre and a oneza twoza threeza, "We hold these Pawsative truths to be self-evident, that all cats are created equal" - yep uh huh datsa da right Declarashun of Independakitties - woo hoo!

You and yourza have a fantasticat 4th of July and make it a nonCATastrophic one too! Remember to be a respectacatable envirocat: don't leave yur trash at da 4th of July barbeque or youza won't be getting da invatayshun next year!

Ciao & Meow,

GUIDO the Italian Kitty

Astronomicatical Summer Solstice

Catzowey! Me and myself just made it thru the longest day of the year and yep uh huh, it's also the FURst day of Summer time. Sum sum summer time or did someone say supper time? Not to worry if you didn't know it was the longest day of all da 12 meowvalous months - as long as you know there was an itsy bitsy bitza more of the sun and that's all scientificatically correct and furry verifiable. Basicatically the theory is the extra sun light really helps me be a relaxacat while it helps my mellow yellow lemon tree purrduce the fruits.

I purrpondered thru my abundacatanps, if my lemon tree was fruitfully flourishing in the extra minutes of CalEyeFurKneeYah sunshine on the longest day of the year, and it was a unanicatamouse decision that me and myself grab that ecstaticat extra second of sun ray too (hey this Summer Solstice isn't justa fur the lemon tree).

Itza no drama in da Bahamas! This is da real deal youza seeing: the extra long sun ray from the Summer Solstice and I'm maxicatting da benefits of this speshule really long day of the year by just kicking back enjoying it. I luvs da sun to bathe in. And checksa this out .... I can sun bathe and tend to my lemon crop too ... all simulcatulously!

Wishing you a nonCATastrophic week filled with sweet and not sour sun rays!

Ciao & Meow,

GUIDO the Italian Kitty

City Kitty Turns PURRgressive Farmer

My 4 paws and me are getting into the organicat dirt this week. Doing some hot-house farming cuz I wanna have a grounding experience. And I found out, yep it's aFURmative so I'm letting the cat out of the bag - the right organicat soil for yur crop is the secret to growing da vibrant veggies & purrfect plants. Oh basta pasta, I don't own a farm in the agricatural belt of CalEyeFurKneeYah - I'm a City Kitty - so my feline farmer self is growing da greens in the house's hot-house. Catzowey the hot-house has a dual purrpose: I can catnap in da hot- house too cuz it'sa sunny and hot, exacticatically the way a hot-house is supposed to be (and the way a feline likes it!). Check out my grow-it-myself crops ....

This home grown fantasticat pepper izza speesy spicy and tickling my tasty buds!

It'sa so hot in da hot house that I fell asleep on the job. It'sa fantasticat I work fur me and myself - can get tired but never fired!

Holy Chokes Moly! My crop is rolling me over!

Basta Pasta! Me and myself izza gonna return to being just a simple smitten kitten EyeTailYun city kitty cuzza growing hot house veggies is increducatulously exhausticatting. Four paws UP to all da great organicat farmers who rock, yep, they'za rock just like my favorite Radio City Rockcats.

Me and myself wishes you and yurza a nonCATastrophic week!

Ciao & Meow

GUIDO the Italian Kitty

ComPURRhensively Browsing The Books

This is a week fur getting educated and  expanding myself and  I'ma not cat chatting bout my waistline (they don't call me Expando-Cat fur nothing!) Catzowey I'm ecstaticat to tell you and yurza,  me and myself has been takin' da lessons - yep uh huh - genuine lessons so me and myself can speaks more molto meowvalous. Youza know, my EyeTailYun accent is thick asa barrel of buffalo mozzarella, so me and my paws trekked downtown to PURRlitz Language School and enrolled, after paying with my MasterCat Card.

After my week at da  PURRlitz Language School where I consistacatically heard  "Arriverderci Guido" to my EyeTailYun accent,  I was still in da learning mode so I popped my tail into da big Library building. Now lemme tell ya, that's a place for catnapping & serious snoozing .. it's meowvalously quiet, nobody is cat chatting, no TV or infurmercials, and there's lots of places to hide and tuck into comfurtably at da Library. Oh I furgot to tellza you, there's catzillions of books to get uppa on, yep uh huh, youza can get way up high and hide for a day in da Library. And they even  got little lights to brighten up yur space - well if you can figure out da Light On and Off butttons!

This is me in da Library where theyza keeps abundacat mounds of books. Big, really big  giganticat art books in a purrEyeVat collection. Look at me sitting on "The 9 Lives of Meowtisse" and "Picasso-cat Painting" too! But I still can't get my library reading lamp to light up. Wonder how many of my 9 lives I gotta use up befur I get this thing to work correcticatically! Uh oh,  do I  see an off shore hiss fit arriving soon?

Don't catnap thru life and  never furget to keepza learning - NOWZA is always the fantasticat time fur learning something new and meowvalous!

Ciao & Meow,

GUIDO the Italian Kitty

Economics of AFURdable Relaxing

My EyeTailYun eyes see da times are Tom cat ruff and tuff while litter levels are dropping, tuna tartare is doin a disappearing act offa da shelves, there'sa no shurimp Rice A Roni on myza stove top, da fog is keeping da sun rays away, CalEyeFurKneeYah is having hiss fits and General Motors isn't purring - hmmm, my 3 years old motor generally purrrrrrs terrificaticaly.

Catzowey - I've gotta da upbeat and big treat news and mews fur youza .... yep uh huh, itza da Guido 4 Paws UP exclusacat ways to be a relaxacat! All da perks in da comfurt of yur home. Getta ready to relaxacat!

Tiparoni 1:

ReFUR to da foto of me and myself on my jungle cat gym. Yep uh huh, thatsa Tiparoni number 1 and as youza see, the secret izza all abouta captivating da Balance - withouta da good balance youza might feel like a hypochondriaticat ... a little offa da balance. Thatsa reason to have da big hiss fit -and definicatically thatsa NOT relaxing!

Tiparoni 2:

Kick back! But IF youza not wearing da sun screen loshun and potion fur relaxacting, denna youza must catnap under a chair so da "Oh Know Itsa Da Oh Zone!" rays donta attack youza and yurza skin - then yurza delicatable whiskers won't wiggle.

Whenza youza puts UP yur feet, Catzowey youza really is relaxing, and yep uh huh, be shure to relax on yurza back when ya can - takes da stress off yurza full and well fed tummy.

Tiparoni 3:

Fantasticat flexibility is a giganticat part of da relaxing - really molto bene meowvalously- like believe me and myself when I sez da total relaxAYshun makes you a relaxacat. In dis foto I am a total relaxacat!

Tiparoni 4:
Donta beeza basket case and get a kink in da neck so be shure youza catnaps and relaxacats ina good posishun. Not resting correcticatically can cause a hiss fit when youza wakes up from relaxing.


Wishing youza anda yurza a nonCATastrophic week, and hoping there's some relaxacat time inna yurza hecticat schedule!

Ciao & Meow
GUIDO the Italian Kitty

Patrioticat Has A Birthday Celebrayshun

Holy Guacamole, Catzowey Catnip and Celebrashun paws UP cuz

Meowmorial

Day AND my birthday only comes once a every year (no matter if you hazza 9 lives or 1!) and its my absoluticatical favorite weekend in the whole 52 weeks of da year.

Hmmm, letsa me counta how many catnaps there are inna 52 weeks. Me and myself luvsa Meowmorial Day and I wearza ourza flag purroudly cuzza Ima Patriotikit.

Yowza nowza Ima revving up my paws cuzza I am 3 today. Derza rumor: says Ima departing the yungun feline stage cuz the Vet chart sez I'm a teen cat now. Duzza that mean I can get my paws behind da wheel of da Catolac car and drive downtown ? Furget it..I purrfur my limo driver as heeza molto meowster efficient and I canza kick back my paws and be a relaxacat - read da news and mews with my paws up and no road rage hiss fits cuzza Ima in da back seat without a steering wheel.

Are youza curious as a cat wondering what I'ma doing to celebrate my birthday? - Well this mighty meowster izza doing something I've always dreamed abouta - playing da piano!

It's mewsic to my ears and I purr whenza I hereza da mewsic of my EyeTailYun composers and oPURRahs - like Vivaldi, or Don Cat Giovanni and ofacoursa, da Marriage of Feline Figaro (nope not da Meowzart stuff - heeza not EyeTailYun one bit). Didja know da piano was invented by Bartolomeo Christofori ? Heeza cool cat.

Yep uh huh, thatsa me and da Steinway Grand Piano. No way I wazza gonna start my piano lesson on a Yamaha!

This fabucatulous grand baby of dem all is courtesy of my speshule furiend, MCP In The City. She gives goodza hugs and gives meeza her piano too! That wiggles my whiskers!

It's notta so easy tooza play da piano and my teacher, well she didn't have soza mucha payshunce witha meeza so she turned me loose to learn da keys on my own - her lasta words befur she ran out da door were "Guido get uppa close and purrsonal with da 88 keys and youza donta needa me cuzza youza furiendly - Ciao Baby!"

So, I getsa myself really uppa close tooza keys , trying tooza meet anda greet every onza of dem, (Basta Pasta there izza so many keys tooza know!) And Catzowey.... whereza da Sheet Mewsic? Every piano Meowster Master has da Sheet Mewsic...

This izza da PURRfect birthday fur me and myself! If youza is inna da neighborhood drop by fur some catnip cake and impurrted EyeTailYan gelato and LaLaLasannya too. Purrobably gonna pop some Furench Bubbly (I dontta drink cuzza I'ma yungun but I likesa to bat da imPURRted corks!) Ya only turns 3 once in a lifetime (even in all da 9 lives there's only 1 time youza can turn 3).

What a difference 3 years makes! Hereza my 2 months yungun self learning howza to beeza an acrobaticat in da circus - so, da piano playing shudda be a slam dunk for me and myself!

Wishing you a fantasticat, nonCATastrophic and meowvalous week!

Ciao & Meow,

GUIDO the Italian Kitty

The Cat In The Hat - Thatsa Mio Myo

Without a doubtacat youza  knowza all about da old time famous feline  book "The Cat In The Hat". And  famous bookz  like that,well, somethings theyza never goza outta  da style (thata means theyza always IN style). Butta definicatically cat chatting, there's absoluticatically no doubt I'ma still in style, cuzza I'm a cat in the hat!

Yep uh huh, me and myself izza in style anda thatsa purrobably cuzza I'ma da EyeTailYun kitty too! 

Attenzionee youza! These izza da colors of myza homeland, EyeTailYa - and I tell ya there'sa no colors likesa these! Didja ever queshun why da  purrty rainbow isn't vibracat colors like Red White & Green?

Youza purrobably PURRpondering where me and myself  getsa my fantasticat hat, and I'll tell ya. My really speshule catzowey furiend Hazel Lucy  handmade it fur me - yep uh huh, Hazel Lucy deezined it, CrowShayed it and shipped it frumza her house in PencilVaneYah. Her meowvalous talented paws will make youza  blankets, baby gifts anda  hats fur big heads too! (donta aska how many meowameters my head is - it's justa big!)

Anda more meowvalous news and mews I wanna youza to know -  after she catnapped, she CrowShayed da scarf fur me tooza. 

I'ma supposed to beeza saving dis outfit fur Columbus Day feline-festivities but I'ma so ecstatic to have it,  so me and myself is checking itta out and inside too.

Dooza youza likes this "Maurice ChavalierCat"look? I tipsa my hat to youza cuzza it's fantasticat to knowsa youza.    Make it a nonCATastrophic week!

Ciao & Meow,

GUIDO the Italian Kitty

Wrap It and Snap It !

Meowster Momma Day comes justa once during da whole giganticat year so I'za always wanna have a  PURRfectly wrapped Purresent fur  my momma cuzza sheeza my landlord, my banker, my chef and my best furiend. Anda Catzowey! Sheeza just 1 purrson!!
It takesa 2 baby - yesiree, I mean 2 of us to wraps up da Purresent purrty so I asked my buddy Yolo to helpza me cuzza betweenza us, weeza gotta 8 paws  and abundacat teeth to wrap and snap speshule - and heeza good fur helping to tie da fancy bow real tight.
Fantsaticat job and weeza almosta finished - gotta putza da final touch and sit back to seeza da speshule work weeza doing.
Weeza thoughts it'd take us a bunch of ourza 9 lives to getta these wrapped up pawsatively PURRfectly and shucksatini weeza exhausticats now so time fur abundacatnaps in da sun.  Itsa gooda thing this Mom's holidaze comesa only once a year or me and myself wudda beeza havin hiss fits - itza notta easy wrapping and snapping da  big bows!
Youza and yurself have a nonCATastrophic week and don'tza getta too wrapped up in stuff.

Ciao & Meow,
GUIDO the Italian Kitty

Ya Hats To Have A Hat At Da Derby

Shuksatini! If youza wasn't at da  Kentucky Derby on Saturday thena youza missed outta on seeing all da fine folks in their finest of finest and me and myself is reporting here, after da race was run, exacticatically frum da dirt on da famous track.  You had to see it to believes it - the Churchill Downs wazza packed to da brims with Hats, Hats and moreza Hats!  

So in true Derby Day fashun, me and myself donned an aPURRpriate  hat to fit in -looking imPURRtant  (you knowza, ya donta wanna look strange or da people stares at ya!)

The Derby Winner "Mine That Bird" had a really  CATZOWEY  rough start and I'za relates to datta cuz I hada rough start as a  smitten kitten. But meowvalous miracles happen fur shure - and he and me are realisticatically purrobably related - weeza both strong guys,  weeza both gotta 4  long legs and a tail too. It's increducatulous him and me both got a little white on our faces, real short fur, and it's fantasticat cuz weeza both enjoy bein' outside and runnin' fast. And listen tooza this: heeza gotta a 3rd  birthday coming up on May 10th and I turns 3 too on May 26th. I might have ta invite him to my pawty so we can horse around!

Now, I wanna YOU to go and have a winning week!

Ciao & Meow

GUIDO the Italian Kitty

Better Than An iPod - It's MY Pod

Absoluticatically on my wish list is da "Hepper Pod" - yep uh huh, me and myself has been wanting da Pod fur almost 9 lives now. And now I got My Pod.

Youza gotta knowza my paws and me are traveling da globe all the time fur PURRmoshuns of this and that, and when I'ma home I'm a relaxacat and I likes really molto bene deeezine! (hey, didja ever meet an Italian who wasn't into deezine?) Like believe me and my smitten kitten self when I tellsya, I loves to be comfurtable in a good looking way cuzza I'm a aestheticat!

So me and myself trotted down da beeYOUteeFull Street to my favorite Pet Boutique in all of San Francisco "CHEENGOO" cuz it's doggone catzowey and I met the PURRprietor (she's catzowey pretty too so I gave her a kitty kiss but doncha tell her hubby), then I paid with my MasterCat card and went out da door with my new My Pod, catzowey this is a fantasticatical invenshun. Oh my gosh, it's gotta be frum EyeTailYa cuz my relatives there make the bestest deezines fur everything! My cuzzin is Gianni Cat FurSocksie - now that company is really giganticatically into EyeTailYun deezine.

My Pod is nice and dark inside - itza the way I see youza but youza donta seeza me and it'sa asymmetricatical which is comFURTable too.

My Pod is PURRfect for a diversakitty like my smitten kitten self - I like change abouta every 4 minutes (in EyeTailYun that is quatro minuchee), so wouldn't ya know, I can squish da roof of My Pod down and hope someone comes home soon to pop My Pod back up fur me! I may be waiting a while so I'ma gonna catnap now.

Me and myself wishes you a nonCATastrophic week!

Ciao & Meow

GUIDO the Italian Kitty

Keep Your Eyes On The Ball

April izza my favorite month cuzz the sun shines and datsa molto meowvalous furza abundacatnaps AND baseball begins whicha is molto meowvalous furza exercise.  My coach sez to always focus on da ball, so I hold it down good and tight to be shurza I am focusing directicatically on da ball.

Me and myself always wears my baseball  hat to play da game - CATZOWEY it's fantasticat coverage fur the fur (I don'ta wanna those UV's having hiss fits on my EyeTailYun skin)  and at da exacticatically same time,  I can beeza catoflauged too in case I strike out nobody knows itsa me!

When the Ball Park announcer says "Play Ball" ... I do, now if I can justa picka uppa my baseball, I can get it out to the mound and over to da Pitcher dude. I keepsa hearing him say "Guido! Get that ball out here nowsa meowsa"!

Doncha strike out this week, make it a CATZOWEY fantasticat week, and PURRomise me, youza be shurza to get a buncha good catnaps in the April sun rays in between da innings - there's 9 innings you know! OH my oh my - me and my smitten kitten self has just learned baseball has as many innings  as we fantasticat felines have lives! Now eyeza knows PURRcisely why I luvs da baseball game - 9 catnaps in between those 9 innings! Meowvalous, simply meowvalous! Play ball and Paws UP furza my San Franfuncisco Giants!

Ciao & Meow

GUIDO the Italian Kitty