December 27, 2009

Look Into My Eyes Fur 2010 Mew Year Purrdictshuns

The unruly & without rules Wall Street fat cats (they'za not neutered either!) are purrdicting lotsa good stuff fur us (yep thatza me and youza too), so I'ma gonna tell youza what my smitten kitten self purrdics fur 2010 cuz itza definicatically true and fabuloso fine news and mews. But there's something terrificat youza gotza hear NOWza MEOWza .... so lend me yur ear here....

Furstly, if ya wants a good Mew Year, ya gotta make da Mew Years Resolushuns - yep uh huh and keep em too. Itza matter of factacatical that weeza do this - cuz it'll keep us moving in da pawsative direkshun. And let's face it folks .... CATZOWEY! We all needs da pawsative direkshun, like purrhaps an overdose of pawsative stuff is our 2o1o purrscripshun (I'll take a year's supply of dat!) , cuz 2009 was a way short of pawsative goodies (my nip grower closed and my fishyman furiend lost his boat).
Furst Mew Years Resolushun is (befur we gets to da Purrdictshuns fur 2010), I'ma gonna meownitor my caffeine consumpshun cuz I dontza wanna be looking like this dude who's over Catfeinated!

And me and myself izza gonna read more fun stuff in the Mew Year cuz fun stuff izza comicatical and then youza can shred it fur da litter box and thatza called recycling - and I'ma Envirocat so recycling izza mandacatatory in my house. Thizza is da win win winner of purractical Mew Years Resolushuns!

Resolushun 3: I'ma absoluticatically gonna work on my impurrted Nip consumpshun and purrobably increase it abundacatically while getting my paws to know my Nip better - up front and close. Dats a very good Resolushun for da Mew Year.
Da Resolushun 4: Exercise is a giganticat part of my Mew Years Resolushuns and I'ma gonna be a Yogi Cat and do my yogatini and Downward Doggy every day. Then gonna kick back my paws with a cup of hot mulled Yogi Tea to continue da relaxacat and de-stressing meowments.

Resolushun #5: Me and myself izza gonna enroll in da flower class cuz we needs abundacat help with da petals arranging and flowers makes ya happy on a cloudy day.Nowza itza time fur da Non Wall Street Crystal Ball 2010 Purrdictshuns! Youza been waiting payshuntly all year fur this.

My meowster eyes see this coming 2010 willza be da most meowvalous year ever cuz youza deserves it fur shure. Me and myself also purrdicts youza gonna smile in a meowment and youza gonna give someone a hug too - maybe a 2 legged furiend and purrhaps a 4 legged buddy. Datza my HAPPY MEW YEAR purrdictshuns! Holy Cannoli and Meowster Mustaccioli - I furgot to tell ya to remember dat youza very speshule - yep uh huh - youza is so so so speshule, so please ringy dingy ding in da MEW YEAR safely.

Ciao & Meow & Happy Happy Mew Year!

GUIDO the Italian Kitty

December 20, 2009

I'm Rapping While Wrapping !

Jingle and mingle and dangle it all - shuksatini I'ma having a ball! Cuz itza da time of the year when ya don't wanna hear "so many days left" till Santa will appear! Gotta get my organicat Snow Pal ready fur a stroll, cuz itza time fur a politicatically correct Holly Daze wrap and roll.
Tis da season to be jolly and oh mama mia and by golly - Me and my smitten kitten self izza bizzi cuz weeza little bit wrapped up in da Holly Daze tizzy....


Don't let yur giftie wraps get out of control ... and if you do, be shure ya ducks frum da giganticat roll.

"Do you see what I see?" Itza roll - a catzillion sized roll of paper for rapping. Said the inky dinky little Drummer boy to the lamb ... Hmm me and myself just loves
da tuna sashimi so I'm gonna forego da ham!

I wazza Star struck at furst site, yep uh huh, when I met Missus Paws on an awesome pawsome holy night. She asked if I'd been naughty or nice and I said "shuksatini lemme give youza da advise". I'ma EyeTailYun and not once izza I bad - but purrhaps I canza improve myza English just a tad!



Yikes weeza Sirprized dat Cwismus is here, so me and my whole family wishes youza happy Holly Daze and good cheer!

Ciao & Meow & Buon Natale (datsa EyeTailYun)!

GUIDO the Italian Kitty and Baci (dats her having da Holly Daze hiss fit), Yolo my little brofur, and our Landlord, Lender and Chefette ~ Momma.


Our "Happy Holly Daze" family foto izza izza made pawsable by my fabuloso favorito fotographer, Mark Rogers

December 14, 2009

Holiday Hiss Fits - FREE At The Post Office

Da Post Office never ever gives nothing fur free, but today you can get absoluticatically FREE, a Hiss Fit - no charge at all cuz it's the bizziest day of the year at da Post Office and theyza wants youza to have something Free frumza them. Whooza to thank? All da folks who have not mailed the gifties that gotza be under someone's tree by Demeowmber 24th! Catzowey they'za had a whole year to do this so theyza must have been catnapping alot! That means catzillions of people in da Post Office line gonna be picking up their free Hiss Fits. Yep uh huh, itza fur shure youza gonna be hearing hissy fities from every direkshun in da Post Office today. But itza free!


Befur youza goes to get yur free Hiss Fit today, make shure yur PURResents fits nice and tight and are safely snug in da box.

Then youza got to wrap up da giftie box - like wrap and snap it closed BUT make shure youza comfurtable with da Holly Dazed paper fur yur purresents.

And last but definicatically not least - be shure youza hugs yur giftie box and says Arreverderci to da box. NOWza MEOWza youza heads out da furont door with yur propurrly packed and wrapped gift and off you go to get yur free Hiss Fit at the Post Office!
Itza time now to figure out how to hang my Stocking on da mantle but gonna catch a little catnap during thizza meowvalous hecticat season. Me and myself wishes YOU a nonCATastrophic week and remember to go and pick up yur absoluticatically free Hiss Fit at da Post Office!

Ciao & Meow
GUIDO the Italian Kitty

December 6, 2009

Purrpondering The Purrfecto Holiday Tree

Itza here! Yep uh huh, the Holly Daze has arrived and on time and dat means itza time fur me to go up my tree, oopsatini, I mean PUT up my tree. But befur I can twim my tree, I have to selectacat da absoluticatically purrfecto tree. I read it in da book "Purrfecto Tree Seleckshun Fur Dummies" (datsa not EyeTailYun), that youza gets to know yur tree really really well cuz itza reflecting yurza purrsonality . Hey datsa brilliant idea!
Following what da book author said, (nope no way heeza EyeTailYun or he'd be writing about Cwismus Eve Ravioli Recipes!), I tells ya, I'ma getting to know my twee and checking out its self, and its thickness at the center (cuz I got that too). I likes to have a tree I can relate too and a tree that can handle my needs (like hold me and my paws when I branch walks).
Oh holy night and a weeza Three Kat Kings of Orient are traveling with da twee twimming stuff from lands a far! These lights musta been strung all around da world from da Canary Islands to Catalonia, hmmm duz youza remember putting these lights away last year all orderly and nicely packed? Catzowey! I thought they was all NOT tangled up .... shuksatini now I'ma checking my lights and checking them twice! Somebody hazza been naughty and not meowvalously nice.

Untangling da catzillion strands of lights almost put me in da hiss fit but I meownaged, cuz I take Yogatini every day and I hazza accomplished breathing IN and OUT fantasticatically to calm me and myself when I'm feeling a hiss fit landing on my shore. I focuses on the meowment and the meowment of focus wazza these Holly Dazed ornaments. Focus focus feline focus and no hokus pokus!

Deck my tree with bows of holly and letza be jolly! I'ma in da Holly Dazed mode fur shure and I'ma not even standing under da bows of Meowstle Toe or sipping a mug of hot mulled fureshly brewed nip.

Me and myself izza wishing YOUza and YURza a nonCATastrophic week - and I'ma demandacatting youza not be stressed out during the Holly Daze and don't have da hiss fit when da walls of your Ginger Bread House izza found collapsed da next morning - don't blame it on da cat!.

Ciao & Meow,
GUIDO the Italian Kitty

November 29, 2009

Oh Comfort All Yee Tummies

Well itza confurmed and fur shure - yep uh huh, exacticatically true .... Turkey makes you tired.

I'm lounging cuz I'm so so so tired from consuming all dat Turkey on Thanksgiving Day, and the day after and then the day after the day after too! Most of us haz just depawted abundacat days of Turkey cooked thizza way and thatza way, (hey I axed da leftover samwich and sneaked in some Turkey Tetrazzini cuz I'ma EyeTailYun ya know!) and weeza all grateful contentacats brined to the top, oopsatini! I means full to da brim, with Turkey. Now we purrrponders if da giganticat bird is good fur da tummy or not: didja read that the catloric content of Turkey can make you tired? Someting about da exciting enzymes gotta work and re-work overtime in da tummy and when da food is yummy yummy, da tummy works overtime. So ... weeza gets tired and needs to lounge around and get comfurtable. I'ma not even da Scientificatist and thatza making da sense!

When I hears da words "Turkey Leftovers Is Served" I'm covering my eyes cuz then I wontza hear da words "Turkey"!

If you thinks YOU izza full from all da Turkey, well I'ma so full I gotta sit up!

I see Turkey rolls on the right side, yep uh huh, I sees them just rolling around on da right.

Gotta get my buffed self back in shape cuz I got da PURRmoshuns to do in public for my animals organEyezayshuns and itza impurrtant to be twimmed and not robust. So itza Viva la Vegetables this week! And hey, make it an organicat nonCATastrophic week too.

Ciao & Meow,
GUIDO the Italian Kitty

November 22, 2009

Pals Of The Feather Will Dine Together

Thizza is no Mardi Gras, itza Thanksgiving week and da pawsative time to find yur favorito Guest of Honor - you know, the guest whooza being honored with a center Orchestra seat at da table - dats where da Guest of Honor purrsides. Thizza is a deal cuz if youza goes to hear da Mewsic at da AhhPurrAh house, youza gonna pay big buckets of money fur your good seat and no food included.

In true deeziner feline fashion, me and my smitten kitten self izza hanging out looking like da Guest of Honor in-catnito, waiting to sirPrize da turkey with my invatayshun to dinner. Shuksatini, I'ma not shure how to call da "Turkey Call" - gobblablini, gobblatini, here turkey turkey - come on over here nowza meowza!

Basta pasta! I'ma still counting the meowments till da guest of honor shows up round da corner and suddenly I'm licking my little EyeTailYun lips and having da urge fur Turkey Tetrazzini.

Hey - no matter howza youza looks at it frumza whatever direkshun, all da purrsons in da You-Knighted-States izza dining on purracticatically the identicatical Thanksgiving dishes: Turkey "da Guest of Honor" (no no no absoluticatically NO TurkDuckin or Turkey Tofu in my EyeTailYun house or at my Gwamma's table) - taters creamed, crammed, smashed, PURReed or nipped with something - purrobably golly jolly giant green beans - stuff stuffed with stuffing - da famous burn & serve dinner rolls which are recycled (I'ma envirocat and you best be one too) and youza can play hockey on da kitchen floor after dinner with da rolls - and my favorito Punkintini Pie with a dollop of double rich whippie creamie on top! Wherever youza is, youza gonna be eating da same foodz fur shure. So if youza not a contentacat at yur house, get yur paws gone and go to da neighbors house and ringy dingy da doorbell screaming "SirPrize I'ma here for da Thanksgiving Dinner". Fur shure theyza gonna have enuf foodz to feed ya and send ya home with a doggone doggie bag and youza knows what theyza serving so itza no SirPrize fur you. Justa meowvalous to SirPrize yur neighbors!
When youza gets stressed out and thinks youza having da hiss fit purrparing for da Thursday feast, stop fur a meowment and think about da meowvalous things youza can give thanks fur. On top of my Thanks-A-Bunch list is my Animal Assisted Therapy job, yep uh huh, cuz if I didn't have my job at THE ARC then I'd never ever know my wonnerful furiend Charles. I gives abundacat thanks for him, cuz he makes me purr so much, even though he can'tza see me - he and me hazza da speshule communiKayshun. Yep uh huh, life is Catzowey fur shure and I gives da thanks this week for that!

Wishing you a nonCatastrophic Thanksgiving week and have a funtasticatico Thanksgiving with da Turkey tidbits tumbling off the plate and into yurza lap!

Ciao & Meow!

GUIDO the Italian Kitty



November 15, 2009

SuPurrb Saturday in San Franfuncisco

Wellza I tellz ya, my Saturday was suPURRbo and a mini meowster different frumza da normal Saturday. Youza wondering what I did that was so so so increducatulous? I'll tell ya, but shhhh dontza tell nobody. FURstly I took da famous San Franfuncisco Cable Car, and I wazza humming "Mice O Roni the San Francisco Treat" as my creaking car trekked up and downza da hills to, guess where. Ah shuksatini youza not guessing fasticatically so I'ma telling youza - to Saks Fifth Avenue ! Imagine me the EyeTailYun kitty, in da chic Saks Fifth Avenue. WOWza MEOWza I sat and shmoozed and never snoozed, while raising awareness for my favorito Pets Unlimited. Itza the fabuloso animal rescue org with a meowvalous doggone great holisticat hospital too.
When me and my paws trotted into Saks (with my security entourage on my tail), da Store Meownager dashed up to me squealing "Oh Guido, welcome back and oh my my my, you've gotten much bigger since LAST year"! Thatza bout put my EyeTailYun self into a spiraling hiss fit condishun. But hey da Meownager wazza being so kind (asked me if I wanna have a bowl of milk or da steamy catpuccino) and her meowmery izza good cuz truly (shhh dontcha tell nobody!) I was abundacat smaller last year.Hmm so I'm purrpondering maybe I furgoes da Yoga and gets back to da purrspiring Aerobicat stuff.
All da fine sales purrsons wazza asking me fur my pawsograph and shaking my paw and wanting to hold me and myself , instead of selling da giganticat bags of purrrfumes and cosmewtics. They'za the nicest folks youza ever gonna meet in all yurza 9 lives and da FURagrance department at Saks has da lovely aroma with bottles galore from all over da globe - but they'za lacking my favorito furagrance - Eau Du Nip Parfum.

I always travels with my "Guard My Body" guards and thizza izza the Doggone Chief of my Security staff. He's smart and alert like a cat, always checking stuff out and having me look around to see if I'ma comfurtable in da Cosmewtics Departamento at Saks Fifth Avenue.

My meowster manners izza good so I brought da Pawty Favors fur all : every sales purrson who held me, gotza catzowey souvenir: my furry own EyeTailYun cat hair! Yep uh huh I left a giftie with all of dem. I'm shure they'za gonna purress it in da Keeps-This-Safe-Furever book cuz theyza sympaticats.
So now I'm a basket case and my paws gotza rev up for da arrival of da big bird , the guest of honor on Thanksgiving Day. AttenZeeOhKnee .... AttenZeeOhKnee - yep uh huh thatza EyeTailYun! Youza gotza purromise youza not getting stressed out and become da basket case in da not so super Market, cuzza da lines izza gonna be horrificatically loooong while youza shopping fur da Thanksgiving Day goodies. I wishes youza a nonCATastrophic week and remember to catnap.

Ciao & Meow!
GUIDO the Italian Kitty

November 8, 2009

Purrsonal Glimpse Of Me & Myself At Home


Welcome to myza house where me and myself houses my giganticat purrfeshional staff - my chef, my banker, my meowsage therapist and my hospurrtality consultants. Are youza ready fur da purrsonal tour? Youza don't have to don 3D glasses to enjoy this - itza just me at home, doing absoluticatically nothing unusual - not even purrpondering whatza to do.....
Let's begin with my sleeping habits cuz me and myself izza da creature of habitual habits so I do da same thing every day andza every night too. I purrfurs to sleep on my back - itza good fur my catzillion vertebrae and meowscles.






Once my EyeTailYun eyes are open, I don't wanna rush much so I kick my paws back being a relaxacat in da bed fur a while, perusing da mewspaper and controlling da remote control - gotta keep current on da news and mews.

Then I heads to da grooming room ... Shuksatini ... If I couldza just get these mini meowster blinds open nowza!







Itza impurrtant to begin da day with a hearty breakfast cuz itza good fur da heart and yep uh huh I luvs da Salmon Souffle and Furench Toast with Mew England Maple Nip Sauce, but da Oatmeal is better fur staying buffed. I'm EyeTailYun and gotza get into my Guido Speedo when Spring arrives. But shhhh, dontza tell nobody I eats da Irish Oatmeal! Shhh itza secreto and da Irish breakfast izza far better dan having da Polenta Balls fur breakfast.

When my oatmeal bowl is empty, then itza exercise time and Yoga izza giganticat part of my daily purrOhgram cuz years ago, well seems like many 9 lives ago (but hey I'm only 3), I said Arreverderci to being an aerobicat, cuz I hates to purrspire.


Yoga keeps me grounded and I loves that powzishun "Downward Doggy On Top Of Da Door" and I always focuses on something that needza focussing on (like how to get down).














Nowza Meowza - I'ma exhausticatted so gonna hunker down fur a nice catnap and start all over again in a bit.
There you have it - itza just a normal meowvalous day furza me and myself. I wishes you a normal and meowvalous week - yep uh huh, I shure do, and make it a nonCATastrophic one too!

Ciao & Meow,
GUIDO the Italian Kitty

November 1, 2009

Matter of Facticatically - Manners Count!

Wowza Meowza - I received an InvaTayShun tooza da wedding of furry speshule furiends (yep uh huh, youza has some of dem too in yurza good furiend book!). It said "Guido and Guest" so I brought me and myself - that's 2. You know my globe trotting paws were counting the meowments till this wedding day, and of course I have propurrrr manners and listened when the Bride told me and myself "BE ON TIME"! Wellza I tells ya - we was on time fur shure - yep uh huh, here I am on time and nobody else is here - not even da BeeYouTeeFull Bride! So I putted my paws up on da nice shiny chairs dats overlooking da Pacific Oshun and I waits, and waits and I almost catnapped befur the NoopShules begins.

Catzowey! The tied their tails in da Meowtramony Ceremony at Sunset, at The Cliff House in San Franfuncisco and wudja believe, weeza had a fog free evening and even had da trained herds of da PellyCans flying over head as the man said "Youza Hubba Hubba and Wonderful Wife". AND thenza da pawty began ! CATZOWEY! I meowandered my paws thru da purrEYEvat dining room to find my table place and, here I am at the"The Tarzan & Jane" Table! Good news and mews, nobody tried to intimicat da Tarzan call. I assures you they had no vines dangling and no jungle monkeys charging across da table - purrsons behaved cuz they had da Pawty manners on.
Getting a smitten kitty tipsy at da wedding is OK cuz itza speshule OKshun!

Here I am -Purracticing good manners at da Wedding ReeCepShun: youza always meet and greet da Bartender! He pours and I purrs and weeza both happy!

Halloween and a Wedding ReeCepShun all on one fantasticat evening ..I luved wearing my EyeTailYun mask from Meowlano Italy. BOO!
So much to do at da Halloween Wedding ReeCepShun! I took da little snoozaola - hey me and myself needed a catnap befur midnight cuz da clocks wazza changing on 10-31-09 around dat time - confewing and not in the least amewsing.

And guess whatza ... youza purrobably not a Mewlywed like my furiends, but youza entitled tooza fantasticat week fur shure! Make it speshule ... Shhhh dontcha tell nobody, listen to this .... I wantza YOUuza to have an absoluticatically purrfecto FURst week of November. Make it nonCATastrophic too and always take yurza best pawty manners with youza when you steps out.

Ciao & Meow
GUIDO the Italian Kitty

October 25, 2009

Itza Doggone Meowvalous HOWL-O-ween

Catzowey! Itza da Halloween week, when it's purrfecatically normal for purrsons to dress strange and not normal, and fur some of us to stare strangely - datsa normal on da Halloween week. Without a doubtacat, this guy izza seeing da world from behind his green PURRmeable contact lenses that don't fit him too good - he needs a new Optomicatrist. My eyes izza nachural green - yep uh huh fur shure, theyza da real thing.
Kneading a break-a-tini frum catiqueing my furiend's costume, my 4 meowster paws wentza to da funtastico time at da Pet Pride event in San Franfuncisco and I went bonkers almost to Yonkers, whenza I sees my foto on da poster for my favorito PET CAMP CAT SAFARI. Da "Big Dogs" at Pet Camp izza so so so generous - they'za giganticat sponsor of da annual event. Paws UP fur my Pet Camp furiends (oh man I luvs Kitty camping at Cat Safari)! Yep uh huh, datsa mio in dat giant tiger sized jungle cat foto! Hey - in order fur me and myself tooza get a cat's eye view of the canine community in da costume purrade (yep uh huh, itza going to da dogs event) I went incatnito - yep uh huh, disguised in my Halloween kitty couture, so I had free views and mews being da roving rover repurrter with my hidden cam, and here's who I meeted and greeted.....
Meowza WOWza! Youza never ever gonna see a fine feline decked out as a half-peeled Banana! Whatsa this guy thinking?
Birds of da feathers flocks togeathers I guess, but I never seen da smiling Rooster this big in EyeTailYa!
Itza jungle of animewls at Pet Pride's purrade and this Skunk was creeping along the path. Good news and mews: he didn't do da squirty furty thing! Weeza was safe in his purresence and I wazza UP wind just in case!!
Being out and about wazza dangeroso and I came upon thizza doggone Dragon trying to flatten da dog. I came to da dog's rescue, justza in purrfecto time and did a giganticat hiss fit and da Dragon fainted - saving da dog from having a Cat-ostrophic day!
Big Devils and Little Devils everywhere atza this event but at least theyza happy Devils and wearing good eye purrteckshun , so the YOU-VEE stuff don'tza do damage. Itza always impurrtant to keep yur shades on whenza youza out in da sun so remember datza, yep youza remember dat!
Nowza youza sees my costume and into yur eyes disguise - not a chance these canines knew theyza wazza being followed by da EyeTailYun Papurrazzi!

Youza have a doggone meowvalous Halloween and be shure of no Twicks and just gets or gives abundacat Catzowey Tweets (fill da Tweets goody bag with Euros, Dollars, Catnip, more Euros, Gifty Certificiates fur Meowsage, more Euros, or furesh sashimi rolls)! Youza got da idea of making da nice Tweets bag!

Ciao & Meow
GUIDO the Italian Kitty

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