Feathered But Not Weathered

It'sa bad fur day, lack O' rain,  da Pope is popping off, da Prez is popping up, da market is at low litter box level and my faveFURite mewspapers are  biting da dust these dayz  - hiss fit time! All this stuff is causing me and my smitten kitten self to feel a bit weathered. So what's a guy to  do fur a pawsative pick-me-up to  feel terrificat? Well, it's real simple (and ya don't have ta use up 9 lives!) .... Invite a guest over fur dinner for abundacat feline fun and furget da purroblems of da meowment.

But basta pasta! My specializione (dats eyeTAILyun for speshule!)  guest, Pierre Peacock flew from Purris Furance, dropped by and  dropped his fabucat feathers  with my coat check purrson,  and then he dashed out da door without eating or even taking  a kitty to-go bag!  Is it somethinga I said? I was purring to see him and said we were having a roasted bird fur dinner. Hmmm, so it's notta true that birds of a feather flock together! Looka as I'ma left holding his plumes....

Ah shucksatini - it's chow time and time to dine, even though my one and only guest flew da coop and left me  at my green and ready to be seen table, so me and my paws are gonna mangia the meowment with impurrted St. Patty's Day foods. Hmmm hasa youza ever seena  da beef with corn on top of it - I thinksa it's called corned beef? Everyone is having it this week - notta me! My meal is gonna be "green" cuz I'm a big Envirokitty so it's recyclable purroducts fur the mighty meowster and organicat Pesto Pizza with impurrted Italian catnip and green basil and green tea to wiggle my whiskers.

Ima all wrapped up in having a Happy Giorno di Patrizio (oops der I goes againa, cat chatting eyeTAILyun)!! Remember, everyone  has a little bit o' Irish in dem! Even me the Italian Kitty! Top O' Da Meowster Morn to ya!!!

Ciao & Meow
GUIDO the Italian Kitty   

 "GUIDO Mac O' My I'm Italian"

There's A Jolly Green Giant In Your House

Burrrrrocoli  purrocoli, undoubtacatically it's the giganticat greenest  flowery stuff youza will ever see  (and you thought catnip held this honor!).

Dontcha know thata broccoli is da poor unpopular plant many don't adore but it should be  on everyone's favorite 'guess who's coming to dinner' list, filling your plates and fueling your BeeYOUtiFul self, as Broccoli is the  vitamina vegie du giorno ( yep, uh huh, now that's eyeTAILyun). Buying the right Broccoli is an art and ear full (maybe an eye full too), so when yur shopping fur  this jolly green giant, ya wanna really inspect it closely.

Now what'sa da fussa  bouta  we're doing Daylight Savings? I thought we're supposed to save ALL the time -  day AND night, not only in the daylight hours- and  that's excacticatically what my smitten kitten self is purrpondering.  Catzowey and a basta pasta! Hope I don't use up 3 of my 9 lives befur I figure out why I'm only saving in the daylight.   

My mighty meowster self doesn't think any interest is paid fur my daylight savings - so what's the big deal? I thinka it mighta be catastrophic to figure out is whata I really thinka. I see a hiss fit arriving! 

So I'm going off Daylight Savings and back to vibrant veggies -  let's talk Tomatoes -ah bella belisimo for those ruby red fantasticat fruits of da land. Me and myself loves to buy and bat them around da house (very good for hockey on the kitchen floor). You and yurself  won't find me buying impurrted tomatoes, only local organicat fur me  (have you noticed my 2 favorite veggies are the color of the eyeTAILyun flag?)

My secret to finding the right Tomato: get PURRpendicular to it and feel the ripeness of da fruit.

 

Do you hear what I hear? This  fine tomato is telling me it's ripe. Yep, uh huh, ya wanna be furiends with the fruits of da land fur shure.

Make it a fantasticat fruitful week! And be sure you sneak in a nice catnap too!

Ciao & Meow,

GUIDO the Italian Kitty

Contentacat Home Healthcare

  It's a great way fur me to start my day the Mark Rogers  way - he's my purrfeshional fotographer ya know and he did not airbrush my whiskers in this shot and dat's my purrmanent eyeliner - not makeup.    I've been purrpondering:    me and myself better get da annual FizzyCull before my feline fiscal year ends, cuz I gotta keep my eyes bright eyed and my eyeTAILyun self in molto bene condishun cuz me and my Catitude are always on da go.

So my smitten kitten self called my fantasticat Veterinarian, San Francisco's very own  DR. CALVIN LUM, house Vet extraordinaire!  Catzowey, yep uh huh, my PURRsonal Doctor of Meowvalous Medicine does house calls - nope he doesn't just call ya at yur house, he really visits you in da house and we don't even have to tidy up da feline fur for him! 

On da phone, he said he'd catch me at 5 but I told him I was only 2-1/2 and I needed to see him befur I turned 5. It's meowvalous I don't have to go to his office cuz the Purrpurrazzi dudes hang out in the "Be Patient" waiting room and then I have to hide behind my golden Gucci shades and put my nose into a Nashunal Catquirer mag. Reading all the stuff dat belongs in da Litter Box purrobably raises my blood preshure more than the platter of linguine with extra cheese! 

Like clockwork he did arrive at 5 and I'm still 2-1/2!  I let  him have da foto shoot meowment cuz I'm always in furont of da camera.  Hey, look ....   datsa mio on  da wall!
Inspectakitty checking out da Doc's big black bag... now where's that stethocatoscope??

Without a doubtacat, be shure YOUR Doc is in tip top O' the morning condishun so he can lift you up! Here I am with da stethocatoscope in my sensitiv-a-kitty ears, listening to his  heart beat befur he checked  me out. Yep, uh huh, Doc is  in fine shape:  tick tick ticking away, he's calm, courteous and he smiles nice - I'll bet he's eyeTAILyun too!

He arrived totally equipped - even had  a PURRtable scale cuz  he said it doesn't lie like momma's scale lies! Ah shucks-a-tini and basta pasta,  I gotta get a "shape shifter' fur my waist or head  to the South of Da Border Beach Diet cuz me and myself gotta shurink da Doc says.   My FizzyCull with SF Veterinary House Calls  was meowvalous till I heard dat part!

Hope your week is nonCATastrophic and hiss fit free! 

Ciao & Meow

GUIDO the Italian Kitty

Dodging Da Oscar PURRpurrazzi

WHAT a weeka and my four paws are doing high five and I'm shouting CATZOWEY cuz it's MahDeeGwaw and The Oscars too ... well me and myself calls them da A-Cat-A-Me Awards and it's a meowvalous increducatulous star studded night, cuz everyone is a glamorama cat in Hollywood. Oh believe me and my whiskers, cuzza I knowsa Hollywood cuz I flew there in August on da big bird when I was on da TV show "Think Like A Cat" - and we all know da Producer wasn't eyeTAILyun and he thought like a pooch! Oops, enuf of dat stuff!

I can't find my fellow eyeTAILyun movie star, Sophia Loren yet, so me and my stripes are trotting solo down da red carpet with a catzillion flash bulbs in my eyeTAILyun eyes, and it's fantasticat I gotta my finer designer Gucci-gold shades out - they're PURRfect fur keeping the PURRpurrazi wondering whatcha's thinking... ah ha, we all knowsa the press is curious as a cat fur shure! "Over here Guido! Is your tie a customized JohnnyFursattchi design? Hey Guido where's Sophia?" the purress folks are hooting and hollering.

The Red Carpet fur getting our fotos snapped, is outdoors, and we have furricane force winds on da red carpet in Hollywood (that's in CalEyeFurKneeYah) and I'm having a catOstrophic time keeping my gold Gucci's on....

Me and my smitten kitten self had a way up high mezzanine seat at da Oscars show (unless you and your paws are nominated, ya get relegated upstairs) so I had to get upon the railing to get a better view of all da razzle dazzle dat was happening on da stage.

Shure didn't wanna catnap thru anybody got MILK or missin out on saying Hello Kitty to Penelope Purr Cruise - she's incomPURRable and makes my whiskers wiggle! Ay carumba kitty!

It's MawDeeGwaw week which means Easter Wabbit dude is arriving in almost 40 days or 40 nights - whichever way ya looks at it, there's abundakitty time for catnapping fur shure before he and his giaganticat ears make his bouncing Bunny appearance.

Wishing you a nonCATastrophic week!

Ciao & Meow

GUIDO the Italian Kitty

Pressing and Stressing Over Water

In CalEyeFurKneeyah, people are having a hiss fit cuz there's been no rain - what Composer wrote da song "It Never Rains In California?" Well he must have had a crystal cat ball from Baccarat-a-cat boutique in Purris France cuz his PURRdiction was right on!
Without a doubtacat, we need water, because, well, just because we need water- not just 2 leggeds but everyone needs water. Yep, uh huh, we need water fur all sorts of things.... some things ya just don't even tinks about.

You can bet I'll be steamin' big time if my PURRoctor & Gamble A Bit  steam iron has no water, gotta PURRess the wrinkles out of stuff to look sharp and an eyeTAILyun kitty would never catnap upon anything that wasn't just  divinely purressed and purrfect!

I'm an Envirocat and my  politicatically correct water saver is installed so faucet trickles now, but I'm on night watch, watching - that's what ya do on night watch, ya watch.

CATZOWEY I'm ecstaticat cuz my bowl is fureshly filled this morn (that night watch worked), but if we're gonna get our paws thru da drought, ya gotta do yur part so we don't get our water rashuned and get us creatures of habit out of our fashion of havin' water... 

Guido's 4 Paws Up Water Conservashun Tips of the Tail

1- Buy an electric razor to trim yur whiskers - furget the soap & water routine!

2-Make yur morning oatmeal with rich double cream milk - furget da water & furget yur waistline too!

3- Be create-a-cat and shower at the car wash with yur windows open. Double bubble fantasticat fun!

4- Don't use running water to thaw FURozen foods - take a few catnaps and it'll be thawed out by the time you wake up - I purromise you!

Remember, Mother Nature (has anybody ever met her?)  needs your paws to conserve and purrserve.

Ciao & Meow,

GUIDO the Italian Kitty

A Frugal Feline Valentine

Haven't received my PURRtion of the Economic Stimucatulous package, so I'm slimming down and cutting back the spending on my Valentine's purresents this year. Incidenticatically, I'm am giving Happy Hearts Day fashionable RED gifts and here's my choice for the Frugal Feline Valentine gift of '09 ...... EyeTailYun red peppers!

Figurin' out the PURRfect gift giving pepper is challenging cuz ya gotta check it out all over so the recipient is a contentacat when they get yur nice gift. Befur you do the checking out, ya gotta pick it up to feel the weight - nothing worst than a lightweight frugal feline valentine gift! This could lead to your getting ditched by yur Valentine and you'd be diving into the chocolates to console yurself!

Arrgh, that's a nasty not tasty green stem! Now my smitten kitten self is rethinking my Happy Hearts Day gift giving. Purhaps I shud furget my net meowster worth has gone to the litter box level, like gone with the wind, and maybe I shud furget being feline frugally affurdable this year. I really wanna spend more (just doing my part as a stimulating smitten kitten). My whiskers are wiggling thinking of tastin' da sweet chocolates from FURance, like the delecticatable treats at Richart Paris the beeYOUtiful choc boutique, well that puts my purr motor in motion and is Catzowey stimulating fur all.

My eyeTAILyun self is purrplexed and pondering over Red peppers OR Chocolates... Ah ha, they are alike: both have abundacat antioxidants and both help our one and only red heart, so the beat go on and that's impurrtant!

Happy Valentines Day and frugal or not - make it a fantasticat day!

Ciao & Meow
GUIDO the Italian Kitty

Fantasticatically In The Semi Sweet Finals

CATZOWEY!!!! I know, Ohhhh yes I do know - Monday was a catastrophic day cuz nobody could start their day the Guido way cuz there was no Guido Gazette! Not even fur me, so it was heavy hiss fit time fur shure. Nope, I didn't catnap thru my editorial deadline. The Gazette had a glitch you could say, cuz me and my smitten kitten paws were out on the campaign trail and not at my catzowey computer.

I've been sleep daPURRived drumming up votes fur 8 days cuz I wanna be the Bissell Vacuum 'Pet of the Year' spokescat. Actualicatically, I just wanted to get into the semi finals and guess what!? I MADE IT! Yes, I'm in the semi finals, placed 5th with 4 canines - I'd say the dog dudes were in fine feline company and my eyeTAILyun whiskers are wiggling over dat win! If I'd come in Furst, then the vacuum masheen folks wuda mailed me a big masheen - something to pick up the feline fur they say - I think it purrobably picks up all da crumbs da humans drop too. So, placing #5 is jist fine with me and myself - we getta book on how to raise a dog! That's doggone interesting!!!!

During the campaign weekend, I meowsterly managed to snag a furront row seat fur the Super Bowl half time show - I'm not shure what the hoopla is all 'bout cuz I eat from a Super Bowl every day, every morning and every night. You can come to my house for a Super Bowl 365 days of the year with free food too!

Mille Grazie my furiends fur your votes and we can all be relaxacats till March when the Bissell board folks select the cutest pet pic from 60. It's time they had a cool cat repursenting dem!

Ciao & Meow,

GUIDO the Italian Kitty