CATcher On The Mound or Rebound!

Baseballs are flying by, popping high and players are sliding into FURst base and if youza don't knowza about the baseball terms well, all I can say izza, well... youza might be EyeTailYun like me and myself.

BUT I luvs da Baseball , yep uh huh me and myself izza da fanstasticat fans of da baseball and I wears my SF Giants dee-ziner baseball cap all of da time!

I heard they gotza GOOSE CHASES at da SF Giants ball park - hmm my EyeTailYun fowl loving whiskers izza wiggling over da opPURRtunicat to be bird watching, so me and my paws went down to da ball park to watch da Goose Chases but all I saw was a player running tween da bases and a pitcher tosses da ball to and fro, and thenza fro and to, and all befur the 7th inning Strrrrrretch. Hmmm, not my idea of a good Goose Chase!

MEOWza WOWza ! The Baseball dudes got Feline FURiendly jargon called "CATcher's InterFURance" and "Caught Cat Napping" (thizza is 100 PURRcent true!) and even a "Catbird Seat". If youza really curious as a cat to find out if this izza true, youza can be a cool cat and check it out here at Da Baseball Dicshunary .

Itza fantasticat time fur my Team, da fabulosocat San Franfuncisco Giants and I'm exhausticatted watching my boyz race all around da giganticat bases - whirling around faster than da humming birds zing around da trees in my own backyard. GUESS what?? Me and myself, yep uh huh , we passed out, yep uh huh, we passed out feline flatly but in a safe place near home plate and my ball was safe!

Wishing Youza and Yurza a non CATastrophic week and hoping youza gets a few home runs too!

Ciao & Meow
GUIDO the Italian Kitty

Lucky Me! I'ma Lazy and Loving It

Me and my smitten kitten self hazza been on the Meowy-Go-Round fur a lotta days and molto many years! Can I tell ya something just frum meeza to youza - but I don't wanna sound catty - both me and myself izza exhausticatted!

I didn't PURRponder this happening - just smack dab in da middle of purrducing this issue of The Guido Gazette, I decided to take a StayKashun (my Catitude went into full speed & all 4 paws stopped)

Yep uh huh, I'm mewting the My-Phone, de-fuzzing my Catirondeck lounge chair and catoflauging myself so nobody recognizes me or myself to ask for a furiendly Pawsograph. Gonna order a week's delivery of my favorito Meowgarita Catnip Pizza from EyeTailYa, and me and myself is going to kick back and be a relaxacat on an overdue StayKashun fur a whole week.
Purracticing being on StayKashun, doing nothing but hugging my catnip SeeGar - I thinks I'ma gonna be purring soon. Yep uh huh, this is molto meowvalous!

Arreverderci Amici (that's EyeTailYun for ciao pal) and I wishes you a kicked back and fantasticat week!

Ciao & Meow,

GUIDO the Italian Kitty

Feeling Foggy

You hear the word Fog and rapicatically you thinks I'ma catchatting bout da famous San Franfuncisco weather - the stuff in the sky that gives my fur da frizzies and hides the sun rays keeping me from having catnaps in da sun, right? Well me and myself is not reFURing to da off-shore fog. I'm telling ya about the greatest fantasticat kind of FOG, which means youza elevated to a mighty meowster "duzn't get any better than this" speshule elevayshun cuz a FOG izza "Friend of Guido". Me and myself is furtunate to have a catzillion FOG's in my life, yep uh huh itza truly true, and my FOG's are deeVersified fur shure. The FOG's come in every imaginable style of furiend that you can imagine....

I gottsa terificatically tall furiends and seemingly short furiends and some are ecstaticatically in shape (liked my buffed EyeTailYun self) and others have not-so-little tubby tummies. You can see fur yurself, this FOG needs to be doing more aerobicat exercises and cut down on da carbs cuzza I can bearly put my paws around him fur a FOG hug.

Some of da furiends, well they likes to hug and be close to my EyeTailYun self and you knowza I luvs it, cuzza we EyeTailYuns got a giganticat reputayshun as loving life and hugging is included in that!

NEWS & MEWS flash: July 28th to be exacticatical, I waz awarded a big award from da furiends at Catster - itza my favorite place to hang out with my 190,000 feline furiends (lotsa FOG's), when I'ma not taking abundacatnaps.

Here's me - the Catster "Cat Of The Week" - holy catnip when I got this news, I fainted! Yep uh huh me and myself both fainted! Someone brought me my favorite organicat Sardine Smelling Salts that revived me in a meowment, so I could enjoy da 7 days of being the Catster "Cat Of The Week". I'm on da cover page of Catster until Tuesday 8/4 (cuzza 1 week goes by quickly when da FOG's get together) - go and see fur yurself! Mille meowster grazie to my furiends at Catster - this is more meowvalous then walking da red carpet with Meryl Meowstreep at da Oscars! I got so much feline fan mail that I've missed all my catnaps so at noon on Tuesday I'm gonna check into da InterCatinental Hotel, shut da puter off and snooze, and snooze and keep snoozing. So befur I snooze off, I wanna wish youza a fantasticat and nonCATastrophic week! And my whiskers are wiggling knowing youza is a FOG!

Ciao & Meow,

GUIDO the Italian Kitty

It's Raining Ribbons

Catzowey! Itza raining ribbons everywhere (could be global paw warming affects) and the ribbon storm izzza creating a colorful ribbon rainbow in so many colors my meowster imaginashun can't even imagine!

Behold what my green EyeTailYun eyes see befur me, and to the left of me and all around me & myself, and I'm not wearing da 3D deeziner glasses - this is authenticatically a colorful storm! Itza raining ribbons!

Undoubtacatically, I see beeYOUteeFull blues and purrecious purples and my smitten kitten self is seeing a little bit of fantasticat trouble to get into, hmmmm.

Basta Pasta! Ribbons izza purrty but NOT tasty at all! And theyza shure not packaged in the anchovie, tuna tartare or nip flavors I like. WARNING: do not consume ribbons in any color when itza raining ribbons!

Me and myself is having an Atlantic oshun sized hiss fit being in this ribbon storm. No lightening from da sky or thundering paws, but itza raining ribbons like raining cats and dogs!

WAIT a meowment - whooza invented itza "raining cats and dogs?" That human musta been not tooza smart cuz we all knows meowsters and pooches don't come from da sky - only da ribbons do!

Nowza Meowza, I'ma just a relaxacat and when I wakes up from slumbering in da colorful storm, my EyeTailYun self is gonna be PURRpondering what tomorrow brings......hmmmm, maybe some catnollis, a double creme catpuccino, some purrfectly cured impurrted Sardines from my homeland, and definicatically, a day filled with meowvalous sunshine fur abundacatnapping.

I wishes you a nonCATastrophic week (and don't get yurself caught outside when itza raining ribbons!)

Ciao & Meow,

GUIDO the Italian Kitty

Winning The Wheel of FURtune Cookie

Me and myself is fantasticatically furtunate to be sent a purresent ... yep uh huh, a real gift of a sweet sensashunal purresent that got me purring fur shure and priming my paws to open up the goody box and shred da fabucatulous blue ribbon (datsa called Recycling cuzza you gets it, uses it and makes it tiny fur da trash). So what duzza you think someone extra speshule would be sending my EyeTailYun globe trotting self?
Certainly and impurrtantly, looks to me like itza catnip cookie in there - but not just a cookie, a customized Furtune Cookie made by the speshule paws of Jake & Micah.

Hereza me and myself, totally under da influence of da Cookie and I hasn't even read my fortune in the FURtune cookie yet. Beware and Cawshun: I may appear to be closer to you than in real life, and this izza no Las Vegas act!

Youza undoubtacatically asking at this meowment, whooza Jake & Micah? Dat answer izza inside da cookie but my smitten kitten self won't make ya wait. Jake & Micah's my fantasticat feline buddies and secondacatically, they're deeziners of increducatulous gifties. If youza EyeTailYun like me, youza gonna aPURRciate the catnip cannoli gift, and if youza into having fun, well youza gonna really like anything Jake & Micah makes with the ORGANICAT nip!
Apurrantly yur lips are meowster muttering youza don't live close to Jake & Micah. Basta Pasta mi amico, no need to PURRponder that PURRoblem further cuz these meowvalous meowsters will ship youza the gifties - yep uh huh, they actualacatically have a bizzi business account with the oops guys - oops I think it's the YouPeeEss guy.

Once I gets un-nipped frum da Furtune Cookie and back to normal shmormal, I'll wish youza nonCATastrophic week! In da meantime, hereza me and myself PURRfiled in June on their website. *no Euros were exchanged fur this mighty cool menshun and no actors were used. Itza all authenticatted*

Ciao & Meow,

GUIDO the Italian Kitty

Is It A Downward Dog or Upward Cat?

Stress is abundacatically amongst us these days ... my puter is not pampurred and is having hiss fits, my whiskers get wild over excessacat horn honkers on the street, and I'm fogged in here in San Franfuncisco with no sun rays fur my catnaps!Catzowey! What's a smitten kitten to do? The smart Doc's PURRscripshun says head immediacatically to the de-stress place and do not pass go - yep uh huh, I'm enrolled in da YOGA Yogi kitty class! Got myself a nice green super soft Yoga-cat-a-mat ... that's the furst paw forward step to doing Yoga correcticatically cuz da paws won't slip when doing the Downward Dog pose.

Befur you start to Ummm and Ohmmmm ya gotta PURRpare for da Yoga. Youza not gonna be a relaxacat doing the purrfecto poses until you flatten all da bumps out of yur Yoga-cat-a-mat. It's so you don't trip yourself. It could be super non-fantasticat embarrassing to trip on da little bump in da mat - couldza be easier to explain if youza slipped and slided on a ravioli (furiends will believe you!).

So me and myself is bizzi figuring out how to flatten my Yoga-cat-a-mat and get da giganticat bump out of it. Itza definicatically challenging! But I'm a checking it out thoroughly cuz I'm payshunt....

Arreverderci il bumpo! NOWza MEOWza I can do the ultimate Yoga Cat pozishun fur helping my back, straightening out my stripes and help me be a relaxacat. Ohhmmmmeowwwww , look at me, I'ma yoga'ing.
Me and myself gotza all the correctacat Yoga Yogi Cat equipment - my teacher sez these stretch belts help ya get centered while they help stretch the paws out to the meowximus range, and PURRpare you fur da stretch of yur life ... all 9 lives? Itza time fur da Sun Salutation pose - here I goes! Ahhhhmeowww ... Oh meowvalous I feel stress free and centered PURRfectly now.

Wishing YOU a nonCATastrophic & fairly centered week!

Ciao & Meow,
GUIDO the Italian Kitty

Tea For Two OR Four Paws Take Tea

Have you had the afternoon British styled High Tea in da middle of da afternoon ? Wonder if it's like High Tide at da Pacific Oshun? Oh well, I likesa the low tide for counting the starfish on the rocks and I luvs High Tea, Low Tea, Mid Tea, no matter what level da tea is in da cup is not imPURRtant to me and myself.

What's imPURRtant is that youza having da tea with furiends and that's PURRcisely what this smitten kitten did recently. Oh basta pasta! IF youza thinking I pawty crashed a tea pawty, oh no no nonsense - I actualicatically got my own invatashun to attend!

FURst thing youza do at a Tea Pawty is selectacat yur tea leaves. It'sa fine idea to get close to da tea leaves to smell da aroma and do a taste test.

I tried a furiety of leaves and well, yuck and more yuck cuz they didn't all agree with my EyeTailYun tastebuds - no way is this catnip tea leaves!.

The Book of Eticat says you should NOT be a greedy cat and eat every item on yur plate so here I am, purrusing the cakes and crumpets .... curious as a cat (what else do you expectacat frum me?). I assure you I'ma not eating da chocolate as it's fatal food to we felines. We didn't get served any bags of tater chips or PURRetzels at the High Tea but da selecshun was beeYOUteaFull and da hostess, well she brought out her finest feline furiendly antique gold plates. Dis is no ordinaricat tupperware!

More propurr Eticat: have your pinky up in the air fur lifting the tea cup. Don't put yur elbows on da table or da hostess will have a hiss fit!

All da sweet stuff sent me directacatily to da scale! Basta Pasta - no more pasta and no more sweets at da High Tea fur me! My waist line is expanding and I'm demanding to go on da Jenny CraigCat diet or Weight Night-Watchers. Me and myself thinks I'm cutting out my Mice a Roni and the catohydrates will be meownitored in between my abundacatnaps.

Wishing youza and yurza a nonCATastrophic & sweet week!

Ciao & Meow,
GUIDO the Italian Kitty