Cheers! And Ears To You!

My kitty calendar (it's accura-catically on time cuz I'ma creature of habit) says some short tailed, carrot chomping, foot thumping dude with giganticat ears is  gonna arrive at my house in few weeks, and I wanna his big bunny self to feel at home. So what'sa better than birds of feather flock together?  Don't wanna himself to feel like da only big eared carrot chomping guy in da house (hey now, remember, I'm a vegicat sometimes cuz it keeps my blood preshure below the litter box level).   Me and my wiggling whiskers went shopping for big EARS, and  I almost had a cardiocat attack from trying on so many styles.  Meowvalous mirror on the wall - what's the cutest ears of all?

If yur shopping alot it can make you an exhausticat! ExPURRts says ya won't get pooped out if ya got da good posture, cuz it is impurrtant and Tail UP is too - yep I tell ya my tail is an extension of my whiskers. Hmmm purrponder this fur a mini meowster meowment:  I'm thinking I mighta needsa Peet Tree dish to make my own customized ears that fits my head purrfectly - exacticatically - ya know, bunny ears made with my very own eyeTAILyun DNA. Me and myself doesn't wanna sound like a rhetoricat, but you knowsa my head is a little big.... we covered datta topic lasta week.

Wiggling whiskers and bouncing bunnies! These are fabucatulous  fur the Easter Purrade. Da word on da street is  ya gotta wear an Easter hat to da Purrade cuz my fuzzy non feline houseguest is coming to town and he said we're strutting our stuff on da street. Strut? That'sa musical to my meowster ears - you knowsa I'm eyeTAILyun and we loves to strut and show the stuff! If it's a really long PURRade, I'm crossing my paws they've got Porto-Litter boxes on the Purrade route and rest stops too  (hey when ya wanna catnap you gotta catnap!)
Wishing you a nonCATastrophic week and ears to you!

Ciao & Meow

GUIDO the Italian Kitty

Itza Pleasure To Measure

The other day I was asked by a meowvalous pal "How big is your head Guido?"

Basta pasta - of coursacat I answered "It's big cuz I'm Italian and I've got tude -  catitude!".  She asked me again and then again, as she was curious as a cat to find out how big my head was cuz, she apurrantly wasn't happy with my answer. So I got out my trusty measuring tape - you know the type that can measure all the way up to 60 inches long which is a little longer than I am even when I'm stretched to the meowster max.   My treasured measure tape has 2 sides with lotsa numbers so I can measure from the low to the high, or flip it over and measure from the high to the low and youza can measure in red or black numbers (one must be the meowtric system)! But furst ya gotta figure out where the start of the measuring tape is.

Hmmmm, is dat saying 42 inches or 4 inches? I'ma bout to have an EyeTailyun sized hiss fit!

Shuksatini! How bout if I tells ya how big my smitten kitten svelt sized waist is!

Purrsonally betweena youza and mio, I don't need to know how big my head is cuz I see it evfur giorno, yep uh huh every day, but my friend Hazel Lucy (she  is da famous feline Queen of crowshay couture), well she foned to say she's making me a hat- CATZOWEY that's why she wants to know how big my head is!  Imagine me, the Italian  kitty catapulted into a custom made hat deezine.

Molto bene meowvalous! And she's shipping it FURst class from her crowshay studio in Purrsville PencilVaneYah. Check out all her hand-made fantasticat scarves, warm winter hats, blankies - you name it and undoubtacatically the gal can make it! HAZEL LUCY'S creashuns are the Cat's Meow. Move on over Johnny Cat Fursocksie!

Do youza  thinks Hazel Lucy wants da metric measurement or da regular? Me and myself is now definicatically confuse-a-cat fur shure. But I'm on countdown fur da hat she's crowshaying - hmmm wonder what design she's got in mind for my dapper dude self: Top Cat Hat, EyeTailYun speshule, FURench baray, Feline Fedora......

Wishing you a nonCATastrophic week!

Ciao & Meow
GUIDO the Italian Kitty

Feathered But Not Weathered

It'sa bad fur day, lack O' rain,  da Pope is popping off, da Prez is popping up, da market is at low litter box level and my faveFURite mewspapers are  biting da dust these dayz  - hiss fit time! All this stuff is causing me and my smitten kitten self to feel a bit weathered. So what's a guy to  do fur a pawsative pick-me-up to  feel terrificat? Well, it's real simple (and ya don't have ta use up 9 lives!) .... Invite a guest over fur dinner for abundacat feline fun and furget da purroblems of da meowment.

But basta pasta! My specializione (dats eyeTAILyun for speshule!)  guest, Pierre Peacock flew from Purris Furance, dropped by and  dropped his fabucat feathers  with my coat check purrson,  and then he dashed out da door without eating or even taking  a kitty to-go bag!  Is it somethinga I said? I was purring to see him and said we were having a roasted bird fur dinner. Hmmm, so it's notta true that birds of a feather flock together! Looka as I'ma left holding his plumes....

Ah shucksatini - it's chow time and time to dine, even though my one and only guest flew da coop and left me  at my green and ready to be seen table, so me and my paws are gonna mangia the meowment with impurrted St. Patty's Day foods. Hmmm hasa youza ever seena  da beef with corn on top of it - I thinksa it's called corned beef? Everyone is having it this week - notta me! My meal is gonna be "green" cuz I'm a big Envirokitty so it's recyclable purroducts fur the mighty meowster and organicat Pesto Pizza with impurrted Italian catnip and green basil and green tea to wiggle my whiskers.

Ima all wrapped up in having a Happy Giorno di Patrizio (oops der I goes againa, cat chatting eyeTAILyun)!! Remember, everyone  has a little bit o' Irish in dem! Even me the Italian Kitty! Top O' Da Meowster Morn to ya!!!

Ciao & Meow
GUIDO the Italian Kitty   

 "GUIDO Mac O' My I'm Italian"

There's A Jolly Green Giant In Your House

Burrrrrocoli  purrocoli, undoubtacatically it's the giganticat greenest  flowery stuff youza will ever see  (and you thought catnip held this honor!).

Dontcha know thata broccoli is da poor unpopular plant many don't adore but it should be  on everyone's favorite 'guess who's coming to dinner' list, filling your plates and fueling your BeeYOUtiFul self, as Broccoli is the  vitamina vegie du giorno ( yep, uh huh, now that's eyeTAILyun). Buying the right Broccoli is an art and ear full (maybe an eye full too), so when yur shopping fur  this jolly green giant, ya wanna really inspect it closely.

Now what'sa da fussa  bouta  we're doing Daylight Savings? I thought we're supposed to save ALL the time -  day AND night, not only in the daylight hours- and  that's excacticatically what my smitten kitten self is purrpondering.  Catzowey and a basta pasta! Hope I don't use up 3 of my 9 lives befur I figure out why I'm only saving in the daylight.   

My mighty meowster self doesn't think any interest is paid fur my daylight savings - so what's the big deal? I thinka it mighta be catastrophic to figure out is whata I really thinka. I see a hiss fit arriving! 

So I'm going off Daylight Savings and back to vibrant veggies -  let's talk Tomatoes -ah bella belisimo for those ruby red fantasticat fruits of da land. Me and myself loves to buy and bat them around da house (very good for hockey on the kitchen floor). You and yurself  won't find me buying impurrted tomatoes, only local organicat fur me  (have you noticed my 2 favorite veggies are the color of the eyeTAILyun flag?)

My secret to finding the right Tomato: get PURRpendicular to it and feel the ripeness of da fruit.

 

Do you hear what I hear? This  fine tomato is telling me it's ripe. Yep, uh huh, ya wanna be furiends with the fruits of da land fur shure.

Make it a fantasticat fruitful week! And be sure you sneak in a nice catnap too!

Ciao & Meow,

GUIDO the Italian Kitty

Contentacat Home Healthcare

  It's a great way fur me to start my day the Mark Rogers  way - he's my purrfeshional fotographer ya know and he did not airbrush my whiskers in this shot and dat's my purrmanent eyeliner - not makeup.    I've been purrpondering:    me and myself better get da annual FizzyCull before my feline fiscal year ends, cuz I gotta keep my eyes bright eyed and my eyeTAILyun self in molto bene condishun cuz me and my Catitude are always on da go.

So my smitten kitten self called my fantasticat Veterinarian, San Francisco's very own  DR. CALVIN LUM, house Vet extraordinaire!  Catzowey, yep uh huh, my PURRsonal Doctor of Meowvalous Medicine does house calls - nope he doesn't just call ya at yur house, he really visits you in da house and we don't even have to tidy up da feline fur for him! 

On da phone, he said he'd catch me at 5 but I told him I was only 2-1/2 and I needed to see him befur I turned 5. It's meowvalous I don't have to go to his office cuz the Purrpurrazzi dudes hang out in the "Be Patient" waiting room and then I have to hide behind my golden Gucci shades and put my nose into a Nashunal Catquirer mag. Reading all the stuff dat belongs in da Litter Box purrobably raises my blood preshure more than the platter of linguine with extra cheese! 

Like clockwork he did arrive at 5 and I'm still 2-1/2!  I let  him have da foto shoot meowment cuz I'm always in furont of da camera.  Hey, look ....   datsa mio on  da wall!
Inspectakitty checking out da Doc's big black bag... now where's that stethocatoscope??

Without a doubtacat, be shure YOUR Doc is in tip top O' the morning condishun so he can lift you up! Here I am with da stethocatoscope in my sensitiv-a-kitty ears, listening to his  heart beat befur he checked  me out. Yep, uh huh, Doc is  in fine shape:  tick tick ticking away, he's calm, courteous and he smiles nice - I'll bet he's eyeTAILyun too!

He arrived totally equipped - even had  a PURRtable scale cuz  he said it doesn't lie like momma's scale lies! Ah shucks-a-tini and basta pasta,  I gotta get a "shape shifter' fur my waist or head  to the South of Da Border Beach Diet cuz me and myself gotta shurink da Doc says.   My FizzyCull with SF Veterinary House Calls  was meowvalous till I heard dat part!

Hope your week is nonCATastrophic and hiss fit free! 

Ciao & Meow

GUIDO the Italian Kitty

Dodging Da Oscar PURRpurrazzi

WHAT a weeka and my four paws are doing high five and I'm shouting CATZOWEY cuz it's MahDeeGwaw and The Oscars too ... well me and myself calls them da A-Cat-A-Me Awards and it's a meowvalous increducatulous star studded night, cuz everyone is a glamorama cat in Hollywood. Oh believe me and my whiskers, cuzza I knowsa Hollywood cuz I flew there in August on da big bird when I was on da TV show "Think Like A Cat" - and we all know da Producer wasn't eyeTAILyun and he thought like a pooch! Oops, enuf of dat stuff!

I can't find my fellow eyeTAILyun movie star, Sophia Loren yet, so me and my stripes are trotting solo down da red carpet with a catzillion flash bulbs in my eyeTAILyun eyes, and it's fantasticat I gotta my finer designer Gucci-gold shades out - they're PURRfect fur keeping the PURRpurrazi wondering whatcha's thinking... ah ha, we all knowsa the press is curious as a cat fur shure! "Over here Guido! Is your tie a customized JohnnyFursattchi design? Hey Guido where's Sophia?" the purress folks are hooting and hollering.

The Red Carpet fur getting our fotos snapped, is outdoors, and we have furricane force winds on da red carpet in Hollywood (that's in CalEyeFurKneeYah) and I'm having a catOstrophic time keeping my gold Gucci's on....

Me and my smitten kitten self had a way up high mezzanine seat at da Oscars show (unless you and your paws are nominated, ya get relegated upstairs) so I had to get upon the railing to get a better view of all da razzle dazzle dat was happening on da stage.

Shure didn't wanna catnap thru anybody got MILK or missin out on saying Hello Kitty to Penelope Purr Cruise - she's incomPURRable and makes my whiskers wiggle! Ay carumba kitty!

It's MawDeeGwaw week which means Easter Wabbit dude is arriving in almost 40 days or 40 nights - whichever way ya looks at it, there's abundakitty time for catnapping fur shure before he and his giaganticat ears make his bouncing Bunny appearance.

Wishing you a nonCATastrophic week!

Ciao & Meow

GUIDO the Italian Kitty

Pressing and Stressing Over Water

In CalEyeFurKneeyah, people are having a hiss fit cuz there's been no rain - what Composer wrote da song "It Never Rains In California?" Well he must have had a crystal cat ball from Baccarat-a-cat boutique in Purris France cuz his PURRdiction was right on!
Without a doubtacat, we need water, because, well, just because we need water- not just 2 leggeds but everyone needs water. Yep, uh huh, we need water fur all sorts of things.... some things ya just don't even tinks about.

You can bet I'll be steamin' big time if my PURRoctor & Gamble A Bit  steam iron has no water, gotta PURRess the wrinkles out of stuff to look sharp and an eyeTAILyun kitty would never catnap upon anything that wasn't just  divinely purressed and purrfect!

I'm an Envirocat and my  politicatically correct water saver is installed so faucet trickles now, but I'm on night watch, watching - that's what ya do on night watch, ya watch.

CATZOWEY I'm ecstaticat cuz my bowl is fureshly filled this morn (that night watch worked), but if we're gonna get our paws thru da drought, ya gotta do yur part so we don't get our water rashuned and get us creatures of habit out of our fashion of havin' water... 

Guido's 4 Paws Up Water Conservashun Tips of the Tail

1- Buy an electric razor to trim yur whiskers - furget the soap & water routine!

2-Make yur morning oatmeal with rich double cream milk - furget da water & furget yur waistline too!

3- Be create-a-cat and shower at the car wash with yur windows open. Double bubble fantasticat fun!

4- Don't use running water to thaw FURozen foods - take a few catnaps and it'll be thawed out by the time you wake up - I purromise you!

Remember, Mother Nature (has anybody ever met her?)  needs your paws to conserve and purrserve.

Ciao & Meow,

GUIDO the Italian Kitty